The Ten Tenets of Tabletop Order

As proclaimed by The Omnipotent, Arbiter of Dice and Guardian of Group Sanity. Let he who breaketh these laws suffer the Shame of Throws or even worse, Table Trouble, as befits the offense.

d10	Tenet of Tabletop Order
1	Thou shalt not lay hand upon the dice of another, save with their blessed consent. Dice covet loyalty and curse strange touch.
2	Should thy die fall to the floor, count it not. For such rolls are deemed unclean and false.
3	Interrupt not thy fellow adventurer when they speaketh. For every voice deserveth its moment before the gods of dice.
4	Let not thy player’s knowledge defile thy character’s ignorance. Metagaming is the path of ruin.
5	Challenge not the word of the Dungeon Master. Their voice is law, their patience finite, and their wrath swift. Unless it be truly foolish or joyless ruling, in which case thou may protest, but only once, and with a jestful tone.
6	Summon not thy arcane device of distraction at the table. For the light of the screen dims the fire of imagination.
7	Raise not blade nor spell against thy fellow party member. For party conflict is the devil’s gambit.
8	Split not the party, save in times dire and story-worthy. For divided are ye easier to smite — and ‘tis a mighty pain in the arse for the Master of the Dungeon.
9	Let coolness and cleverness guide thy action. For the Rule of Cool rewardeth daring and creativity, even when logic would say nay.
10	Be not a jerk, a rules-lawyer, nor an insufferable munchkin. Let not thine antics vex the fellowship, for the greatest evil at table is the buzzkill.
11¹	Expectorate not, be it in character or in flesh. For spittle hath no place upon the map, the floor, nor in civilized company and thy saliva carrieth no tactical advantage. (a.k.a. NEOPĽUJEŠ)

Ten Tenets, eleven lines. 'Tis a game of adventurers, not accountants — 'tis not as though D&D requireth counting…save for initiative, movement, attacks, damage, ability checks, saving throws, ranges, coins… ↩

Footnotes